Danny: A Victim Who Victimizes. . . Why?

This is the second of a three-pan series describing the world of an emotionally disturbed child who has been physically and sexually abused. In this article, four theoretical models will be used to try to understand why a little boy : who has been so savagely violated, rejects the love of others and, indeed, deliberately abuses others.

Every child is intrinsically beautiful, unique, and deserving of love, No child, regardless of the circumstances of conception, is destined to hurt others. Yet, Danny does. This charming boy was lighting fires, hitting others, molesting younger children, and preparing himself for a life of violence. The foster parents who had tried to love him incurred the wrath of this angry child. For their own safety as well as the safety of their other children, Danny was told he had to leave their home.

In trying to grasp an understanding as to why Danny, an abused child, would himself become an abuser, viewing the scenario from different theoretical models may be useful.

Learning Theory was the most often used explanation for why Danny was so uncontrollable. This theory suggests that kids do what they have been taught. In Danny’s case he witnessed severe abuse from the adults around him and his behavior could be partially explained by saying he was just doing what he had been taught.

Psychodynamic Theory offers an intriguing concept of “repetition compulsion” whereby it is believed a person continues to act out a trauma hoping that eventually it can be resolved. Certainly, Danny was setting himself up for rejection in each of his foster homes by his violent behavior. Over and over, Danny replayed the original trauma of rejection which he experienced because of his mother’s unwillingness to protect him from her abusive boyfriends.

Sociobiological Theory suggests that much of our behavior is pre-programmed such as athletic and musical ability, shyness, alcoholism, etc. While it may be hard to imagine antisocial behavior being inherited, it is conceivable that Danny was born with certain personality characteristics which, when placed in a hostile environment, manifested themselves in terms of antisocial behavior. Danny may have been born with a high tolerance for pain and a thrill seeking personality. Fighting, fire setting, stealing, and molesting others are behaviors he found to be exciting and intrinsically rewarding. Punishment has no effects on him except to make him angrier and more cunning.

Bonding Theory when combined with existential notions of personal choice and free will, I believe, best incorporates the other models and offers insights into why Danny behaves as he does.

Consider that for most babies the first few months after birth consist of an infinite number of moments wherein a soft, warm, loving mother gently envelops her child with caresses, smiles, coos, and joy. These children learn at an experiential level that they are special, lovable, and the source of happiness to others. They enter into a non-verbal love relationship with their mothers and willingly extend this trust to others. These are our bonded children.. Much loved and eager to love others.

Unfortunately, thousands of children never experience the loving care of a gentle mother but instead suffer a state of physical and emotional deprivation. Some children are born prematurely or have serious health problems which require them to be kept isolated in incubators for extended periods of time. Some are neglected at critical developmental times when parents divorce or a parent dies. Sometimes bonding is breached when parents themselves suffer from physical or mental problems and they focus on their own needs, at the expense of their child.

Too many children, like Danny, are sexually or physically abused or simply neglected for hours and days at a time. These children are particularly at risk for being unbonded; they have no trust of others and have no desire to please anyone but themselves.

Unbonded children do not seem to have a conscience and they only feign remorse when they are caught doing something bad. To love anyone puts them at risk and their unconscious (and sometimes conscious) agenda is to strike first before others can hurt them.

This notion of bonding provides a very understandable and cogent framework for understanding why many victimized children turn their sadness and rage against others. Some, like Danny, appear to be unreachable… hopeless.

But all children are first of all children. No labels (juvenile delinquents, sociopaths, incorrigibles, etc.) can diminish their God-given goodness and humanity. They can be reached.. .they must be.. for their sake, society’s, and especially for the sake of their future children.